Will We Ever Have Sex Again

Today, this question occurred to me. Will I ever want to have sex with my husband again? I haven't slept with him since he told me he had started drinking again. That was Sunday, May 18th. Now, it is Thursday May, 22nd. 5 days. Not an epic length of time by most standards, and really not epic in regard to our relationship considering that 3 years ago X (I will from here on out use X to represent my husband's name rather than making up a pseudonym for him, too), so three years ago X suffered a terrible back injury and was briefly paralyzed from the waist down. This lead to no sex for quite a while, as you can imagine (it was everything below the waist). And then again, after the birth of our daughter my bladder spent months bulging into my vagina. Needless to say, this turned us into eunuchs again, for quite sometime, until months after my surgery.

But all of that, all those physical woes where bodily impediments to love making. This is something different. Any mental appetite that I had for sex with my husband is, at this point, completey washed out. As I drove to the local YMCA this evening (exercise is the best therapy, right?) I found myself thinking about how I feel he's broken his wedding vows. Then I realized that I don't think there was anything about complete honesty in his vows, in our vows. This seems a major oversight, not to have included this, but it also seems like a given. Should you really have to say, "I will never lie to you, I will be completely honest with you." NO! This type of companionship, honest, lovingly honest, is what you sign up for when you get married. Or, at least, I think it is what you sign up for. If you wanted to be manipulated, kind of tricked and played with you would just continue dating, right? Then at least you would have the excitement along with all the games. Now, instead I find myself with none of the excitement and also none of the security that I thought I'd traded that excitement in for. Maybe that line confesses my major fault. I should have never traded in in the first place. Then I wouldn't have to be disappointed with the deal, and sexless.