Doing Nothing

The cartoon to the right is really not a joke. It is seriously difficult to do nothing when you are near the life of an alcoholic.

When consulting the Index of Subjects in my daily reader, it's clear that lots of time is spent discussing detachment, changing what I can, and controlling. It must be because what so many in meetings have told me is true - you can't do anything. The slogan goes something like, "You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, you can't control it." This is very hard to accept when you see someone wreaking themselves and your family. This is especially hard to accept when you have a little one you feel you need to protect. I feel the need to control things more than ever since becoming a mother. I need to make sure my daughter has a safe and happy home to grow up in. I don't want just functioning for her. I want stability and joy, honesty and peacefulness for her. I know it can not always be roses and chocolate cake, but it shouldn't be cigarettes and alcohol. 

So when my husband drinks and lies, when he smokes, I want to control him, more than ever before, because I want to control the environment my daughter is exposed to. And I can't believe I find myself in a situation where the person who is supposed to be my partner is acting as a saboteur. I just find it unbelievable! And because I find it unbelievable, I also can't believe that my husband does not know the damage he is doing, realize the risks he is taking. It takes all my energy to go through a day not pointing this out to him. But I succeeded in getting through today without doing so. For that, I congratulate myself, we'll see what comes tomorrow. 

While I am doing nothing (saying nothing) in regard to his choices or actions (or lack of actions). I am doing something for myself. I'm talking with friends and getting a clearer head about him living in our house or finding an alternative place to live - as we've discussed. Most importantly, I know that in the life I want to make for my daughter there is no room for lies.